The Tom Patterson Style Guide

 It has come to my attention that some are spelling a certain rude word for the female reproductive system incorrectly.  "Cunt", when used to refer to the female reproductive organs should be spelled "queynte", whereas the more Scottish or Australian senses should be considered more mundane, and continue tot be spelled "cunt".  I believe that this splitting of spelling will be able to aaid in the usage of spelling to disambiguate homophones in the written word. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 It has recently come to my attention that people in Belize do not count by scores.  I consider this a grave affront to the Mesoamerican Sprachbund.  Furthermore, they do not begin every sentence with a verb, especially if it isn't a question, nor do they mark possession with the form "its dialect, Belizes".  If you are from Belize and reading this, what are you afraid of?  Speak your dialect correctly so its more interesting!   CHANGE MY MIND!!! PS. Also, english already has some prepositions as body parts, so making "tongue to" or "in tongue of" a word for inside would be a very nice relational noun.

 It has recently come to my attention that I may've been spreading misinformation.  I would like to apologise for neglecting the important distinction between "guv" and "guv'na".  "Guv" is to be used with people of authority you know well, like your boss, whereas "guv'na" is to be used when meating them for the first time, or with a stranger of authority.  Nonetheless, "sir" should only be used to refer to knights. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

     Contrary to what this article says , there is a correct way to use "toward" and "towards", and that is never using one twice in a row.  You have to alternate them each time you use one.  If you just said "toward", you can't say "toward" again until you say "towards" and vice versa.  If you don't do that, you seem to have such a small vocabulary that you can't give variety in your speech. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

    As you all know, traditionally, one would use where/whence/whither.  However, this is no longer true.  Where from, to, or at, are replacing the older words.  If you decide not to use whence or whither, then the end of the sentence is where the preposition should be at.  But if you want to ask about location, wherest is correct, as in "wherest the computer".   This being said, it is preferable, generally, to end a sentence with a preposition. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

      Some may claim that you should move the verb to the start of the sentence to ask a question.  This is false.  You can also, more correctly, form them with the question particle "innit?", which goes at the end of the sentence.  Other questions should be formed differently.  When the abilitative aspect is used in the second person, the infinitive should be used, without "to" and the question particle "cos" is to be used at the start if the sentence. CHANGE MY MIND!!! Edit: eh? is also acceptible

 At the lattest conference of the illuminatti we decided that english needs a new question word.  It was decided to be "whints", meaning "how many".  This is all.  I say that it should be immediately adopted. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 There are many ways the word GIF could be pronounced,  with over 48 possible pronunciations.  These all have varying degrees of merit.  I have finally stumbled upon the best argument of all: a way, which when pronounced, gives the appearance of symmetry in the IPA: [ɟɪf].  This is it.  The correct way to pronounce has been found, let's all learn to pronounce [ɟ], and then start correctly pronouncing GIF.  I myself am glad to learn that I was wrong so I could stop being wrong about it at all.  And if you refuse to change then you are no better than the people who were so stuck in the past that they committed the White Terror CHANGE MY MIND!!!

It appears to me that some people on the left don't know how to use the suffix “-ism” to refer to discrimination.  I hate to be pedantic, but “ableism” is a poorly derived term.  “Sexism”, “colourism”, “ageism”, “racism”, etc. are all formed by derivation from a noun.  “Able” is not a noun, according to both of Urban Dictionary and Wiktionary.  According to the OED it can be used as a noun meaning the letter "A".  I would like to point out that it isn't what ableism is supposedly discriminating based on, how disabled someone is, it must be derived from a noun meaning the degree to which someone is disabled, something like disablednessism, or abilityism, or ablenessism, something like that.  Alas, there is no way to correct these things, we can only backform to make them retroactively gramatical when it comes to malderived constructions. Actually no, in achieving common usage, ableism has neccesarily created a new sense of the word "able", as in "His abl...

 Recently I have discovered that the degeneracy at root in all modern institutions has spread to my textbooks.  I would like to remind people that the leader of thte rightt wing of the Nazischweine Party's last name is correctly spelt in english "Ittla" in accordance with the pronounciation of his name in britain during the war in accordance with a propaganda song demenaing his genetalia.  Ittla killed millions of people, so we should spell his name the way he wouldn't want it spelled, as a way to insult him from beyond the grave. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 So, I seem to have unfinished business, as I believe that certain names don't have plural forms yet.  No matter.  I will continue to solve the problems nobody was having by whining on the internet.  Now, I have determined the way all propper nouns ending in -os should be pluralised.  Now, I currently have a few plurals to draw on.  "rhinoceros", "latios", "tauros", and "gyarados" are all made plural by -otes.  For -as, it followes the "latias" paradigm, -ates.  So, "Thomas" would become "Thomates", and all is right with the world.  If you do not follow this, just have it be known that you sound very stupid because you cannot english good. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 Of course to negate the infinitive of a verb it should be split, but if you are negating the present tense of a verb without an -s on the end of it due to it needing to agree with the subject, then you must negate, if using simple present tense, use the negation suffix.  "doesn't" and "don't" are incorrect in these cases because that also marks the negation as of the eternal tense.  The correct way to negate is to use -n't.  This means that the satement without -n't is one of falsehood, and that it furthermore is, in fact, not true.  An example would be "I drinkn't alcohol".  This is implying that it is the present, and the moments surrounding, not simply the present state of the subject, but it also applies to the object in the same way.  It is also destinguished from "isn't _____ing" because that is the now-tense. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

"Cyng" and "cween" are the correct spellings.  These harken back to the old spellings of the old english language, with the spelling of "cyng" used even back then, and "cween" from "cwēn" but replacing the macron with a doubling of the letter in question.  These are the correct spellings no matter what anyone says, especially if they spell "cyng" with a "k". CHANGE MY MIND!!!

    While usually for nouns which are fantasy creatures, one should use the plural made up by that person who made up the creation, pokemon doesn't seem to do that.  I have taken it upon my self, as the self appointed grammar policeman, to tell you how to make pokemon names plural.  "gyarados" you would expect to have a plural befitting a greek word.  You might expect "gyaradoi" or something similar, or "gyaradi" if you spell it wrong.  However, it is in fact, as I now by the power vested in me by having a blog, that the plurals of "gyarados", "tauros", “Latios” and “Latias” to be “gyaradotes”, “taurotes”, “Latiotes”, and “Latiates”.  Also, “obstagoon”, “rillaboom”, “yungoos”, “sligoo”, and “goomy” become “obstageen”, “rillabeem”, “yungees”, “sligee”, and “geemy” respectively.  Additionally, some pokémon even have two possible correct plurals.  For example “kabutops” has both “kabutopes” and “kabutopsen” as two possible correct plur...

      I have stumbled upon a post by lexico saying that "cacti" is wrong, and so is "viri".  They are wrong.  Their logic is that since these words aren't latin in origin, we can't pluralise them with -i.  Pay no attention to these ignorami.  It is only correct to pluralise multisylabic words ending in "-us" and not in "-ous" with "-i" or "-odes".  ie. "cactodes" and "cacti" are correct, but "cactuses" isn't, despite what Lexico would have you believe.  An exception to this rule is "nucleus" when used in the context of a cell.  Also, Lexico says "algæ", of all things, is correct, and the plural of "alga" as opposed to "algie", "alge", "algea" being the correct way to refer to it.  Algea is the correct term which is an uncountable noun, and the word "alga" which Lexico made up should only be used if you are writing fo...

Tone punctuation, the collective term for the exclamation point, question mark, interrobang, and slash ess, can be placed in parentheses to mark something as only somewhat alarming, only kind of a question, a rhetorical question where one kinda wants to know the answer, and a semisarcastic statement (ie. most of the posts on this blog).  These should be placed with the same rules as "/s", covered in another post in this blog. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

"/s" is the english punctuation used to mark sarcasm.  Nobody uses "⸮" for irony, and since it is supposed be used for rhetorical questions, it should be used for that, and not for sarcasm.   Let's get onto how you should use "/s".  If "/s" is used at the end of a paragraph to apply to the whole paragraph then then there should be a line break before the "/s".  "/s" should go after the punctuation mark if it applies to a whole sentence, and it should be put before the period if it applies only to the final clause of a compound or complex sentence, and after the comma at the end of a clause if applied to a clause not at the end of a sentence.  There should be no space if it is used to apply to an individual word, and before the comma but after a space if to a whole item of a list composed of multiple words.  This also works for a clause if it is not part of a list. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

If a question is the first part of a compound sentence, and is handwritten, then the glyph should have a comma replacing the period at the bottom.  The same goes for excalmation points if the exclamation ends halfway through the sentence.  Sadly, unicode doesn't have these glyphs, but for the question mark, it can be approximated by using "ʔ" with a combining comma below, as "ʔ̦".  For exclamation marks, "!," is okay, "‽".  For punctuation of sarcasm, since "/s" is seperate from sentence end punctuation, and can apply to a whole paragraph if it is the line after the paragraph, and as such ",/s" should be used with the sarcasm mark. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

It seems to be that some are saying that the plural of "corpus" is "corpora".  Clearly, it should be "corpi"or more correctly "corpodes".  actually, it's "corpodes", and "corpora" is actually the plural of the exact synonym "corporum", not of "corpus", and "corpora" is therefore able to be used interchangably with "corpodes", and, as per usual, "corporums" and "corpuses" are completely wrong. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 The correct plural of "mook" is "meek".  "mooks" Is always wrong, and should never be used if you want to sound like a person and not an idiot.  CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 If a name ends with -“us” then its plural ends in “odes”.  An example would be “Jesus” becoming “Jesodes”.   CHANGE MY MIND!!! //Thanks for u/ThatOneWeirdName for this idea.

 Split infinitives are the correct form.  "I want to not do it" is correct, not "I want not to do it".  If you want an overformal/pretentious/selfimportant tone, then you should not split the infinitive, as always, grammar can be broken for characterisation or for dramatic effect, but in flat prose, and especially in nonfiction, the correct way to negate an infinitive is to split it. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

"Mongeese", "hice", and "meese" are acceptable plurals, as well as "mongooses", "houses", and "mooses".  All of these are correct, and there can be more than one plural for each word, all of which may be used interchangably, however, as will be per usual, irregulars are preferable, especially "mongeese". In the interest of regularity, the extention of the "geese" and "mouse" paradigm should be extended to include "mongoose", "house", and "moose".  And I have, as a person on the internet, made it right by putting it in a style guide that you can cite. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 The word "iff" while it started as an abbreviation, if there are no decimal points, it should be pronounced as /ɪfː/, or something like that, with a geminate /f/, however your dialect realises /f/ is fine, but it must be geminate, or sustained for longer that you would if you were saying "if".  Otherwise, you are mispronouncing "iff".  It may have begun as an abbreviation of "if and only if", but when not wirtten "iff." or "i.f.f." or with some other combination of periods in the middle of it, it is a word, and not an abbreviation, and should be pronounced as such. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 "Ain't" is only correct under one condition, and that is as a contraxion of "am not".  "I ain't going to do it" for instince is correct, but "he ain't" isn't.  Lots of people say it is wrong.  It isn't, it is correct as much as "isn't" or "aren't" are when they are used with the correct subject. CHANGE MY MIND!!!

 The title of “sir” should never be used to refer to somebody who is not a knight.  It is only proper to use the prefix of “sir” when the person actually has been bestowed a knighthood.  The correct term is “Guv”.  In the military they should correct the standard response to “guv yes guv”. CHANGE MY MIND!!! Edit: This rule has an exception where a nonknight may be called "sir" in a mocking tone as an insult, mocking how full of themselves they are.